He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
