He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We're too hungover to prance.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
