It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize