Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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