saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
