my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
