Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
