i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Someone shattered a urinal.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
