Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
