Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
