We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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