3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
