Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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