I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
