Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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