Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
