I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
