Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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