Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
