You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
