And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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