life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
