Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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