What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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