it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
