Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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