My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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