Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
