apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
