like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
