ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i drank out of a bidet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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