god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
