This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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