the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
