Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
