allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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