Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
