So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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