yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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