oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize