Only a mothe r could love this liver
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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