Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize