I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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