i need an iv and a liver transplant
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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