I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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