I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
