This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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