3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
