apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
