Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
