So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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