I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
