Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
