I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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