i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
