Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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