I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My dad is sitting where you rode me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
