i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
