Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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