I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
