im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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