Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
