Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
