You smell like a Billy Joel song
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
