I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
pray to the hookup gods
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
