i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I looked at my own cervix.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
