It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
