Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
