we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
