he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
