I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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