you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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