if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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