In America we eat man semen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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