fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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