How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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