Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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