I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
