alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
