some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
