Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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