genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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