you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
