i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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