i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
