you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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