Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize