How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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