you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
