I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize