Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
